Text: Jing Ma

A happy childhood can heal a lifetime, and an unhappy childhood must be healed with a lifetime!

Adler, a famous psychologist, once said such a sentence! And in many lives, we will find that many of the imprints on our bodies are actually brought about by the family of origin.

Ms. Liang and her husband are both graduates of 985 key colleges, and the two husbands and wives work hard in big cities, because they have good academic qualifications and strong abilities, so they can now be regarded as the middle class, so they are very tight about the education of their only child. #我来唠家常#

Both husband and wife think that only by studying hard and being admitted to a good school can they have a good job and a better life, and their children are also excellent in character and learning in primary school, and their academic performance in junior high school is not bad, but the accident appeared in the third year of junior high school.

Because the pressure of learning has increased, coupled with the fact that parents are very strict with their children's learning, they do not give their children to play mobile phones and go out to play football on weekends.

When the couple took their children to see a psychiatrist, the psychologist mentioned that they did not really love their children, they were educating their children, and they had "second-hand pressure", that is, they felt that their growth experience was very positive, and they hoped that the children could reproduce their own growth experience, be admitted to a good school, and have a good job......

According to relevant data, there are more and more children with depression and anxiety in schools, and these children are often under "second-hand pressure" in the family.

Second-hand pressure spreads between parent-child education, and many parents are still complacent, feeling that they are very strict with their children, but they don't know that their children are very painful.

The "second-hand pressure" mainly comes from these 5, see if you have been hit

Type 1 Second-hand Pressure: Some Restraints of the Family of Origin

Lin Tong's father is a soldier, her mother is a teacher, her education has been very strict since she was a child, requiring her not to make mistakes, so she has been very strict with herself since she was a child, and she was admitted to a key university smoothly under the expectations of her parents.

And after she gave birth to her daughter, she still continued the perfect education of her original family, requiring her daughter to pursue perfection in everything, to strive for the first, and her daughter could not make mistakes......

Type 2 Second-hand Stress: Growing Up

For example, some mothers feel that they have gained a lot of advantages because of their good academic performance in the process of growing up, so they hope that their daughters will study hard like themselves, which is actually a replica of their own growth experience.

There is another type of parents, for example, because they did not study hard, they can only come out to work after failing the college entrance examination, and they have suffered a lot because they have no academic qualifications for many years, so they grasp their children's learning very tightly, and do not want their children to suffer like themselves, which is actually the renovation of parents' growth experience, and it is also a great pressure for children.

The third type of second-hand stress: work career

For example, I was scolded by the leader in the unit, or there was no hope for a promotion or salary increase, and when I got home, I didn't like anything, and I found that the child's homework was wrong and I was angry, so I beat the child.

Or when you find that your child is playing with your mobile phone again, you can snatch your child's mobile phone and say, "You know how tired I am from work?"

The fourth type of second-hand stress: the relationship between husband and wife

The relationship between husband and wife is greater than the parent-child relationship, but many families ignore this principle of psychology, for example, mothers focus more on their children, and gradually ignore the feelings of husband and wife, and slowly the relationship between husband and wife becomes weak, and even husband and wife often quarrel, this tense family atmosphere will also make the children living in it feel pressure!

Jing's mother's friend is a psychological counselor, and she has treated a child before, who was originally a well-behaved child, but later often fought and skipped school, no matter what her parents said, it was useless, and the teacher shook her head.

Later, the parents found a psychological counselor, and the counselor learned in detail that the child's parents are now getting a divorce, and the child hopes to do more on his own, so that the parents can focus on themselves instead of thinking about divorce...... Therefore, when the relationship between husband and wife is good, the children can be better.

Type 5 Second-Hand Stress: Physical Fitness

A fourth-grader suddenly said to his mother: I won't go up, I'm going to take a leave of absence.

Mom thought it was incredible, it turned out that his mother was diagnosed with depression when he was in the third grade, and the depressed mother sighed every day, feeling uncomfortable and uncomfortable all day long, which will directly affect the child and cause the child to be depressed.

Some parents may be sick and see that their children don't sweep the floor at home or do their homework, so they are very angry and say: I am tired and sick, and you are still doing nothing at home......

This is actually a kind of pressure on the child, because the parent is sick is not what the child thinks, but the parent passes this pressure on to the child.

These 5 kinds of second-hand pressure will bring great pressure to the child, and even cause the child to finally be unable to bear it, and the school will be suspended.

Topic: Are your children under the above pressure?

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