Many people say, "In the adult world, there are too many people who can't help themselves." ”
In life, many people are always accustomed to putting the feelings of others first, so they unconsciously please others and wronged themselves.
As everyone knows, there is not much empathy in this world, and your blind accommodation may not be able to exchange for the gratitude and sincerity of others.
You know, the stupidest way to live in life is to put other people's thoughts and fold your own emotions.
You're not doing well because you care too much about what others think
Have you ever had such a time:
When I was employed, I wanted to stay in the big city and work hard, but my parents said: "We don't feel at ease if we go so far, and it's better for girls to be stable." So you give up your dream and go back to your hometown to "live in peace";
After getting married, I wanted to go on a trip with my friends, and my husband said, "You are now a family person, you must learn to take care of yourself." So you put off the trip and are tied to your family;
When you have a child, you want to dress up more fashionably, but you are afraid that others will think that "you are all a mother, and you still dress so flamboyantly", so you dispel your thoughts and hide your pursuit and desire for beauty.
Because he cares too much about what others think, he chooses to fold his emotions over and over again, and lives a grievance and hard life.
In "Be the Self You Like," Kishimi wrote, "If you care about what others think, you force yourself to live in a very unfree way, because you constantly want to cooperate with others." ”
When a person pays too much attention to the opinions of others, he tends to change himself in order to please others, and gradually loses his sense of self.
Mary, the protagonist of the novel "List of Life", has been deeply in such pain.
When she was young, in order to get her mother's approval, she took the initiative to take on all the housework, which made herself exhausted.
When choosing a partner, she followed the wishes of her family, but her husband messed around outside, and finally ended in divorce.
In the second marriage, her husband said that his job was important and that he should support him, so Mary gave up her job to focus on the family. In forty years, she had never been out alone, not even a friend.
Even when she found out that her husband was cheating, Mary pretended not to know because she was worried about the outside world, and when her husband didn't come home, she sat at the table all night and waited, for fear of arousing the suspicion of others.
For most of her life, Mary has lived in the minds of others, but has not received recognition and respect.
There is a saying in "Zengguang Xianwen": "Those who are self-respecting are then heavy, and those who are light are self-light." ”
If you want to be valued by others, you must first value yourself.
Many times, we don't have a good time because we always value others and don't care about ourselves.
The quality of life does not depend on whether you meet the thoughts and expectations of others, but whether you can follow your heart and live your best state.
Source: Visual China
Only those who have a stable core can live a wonderful life
Fang Qi said: "We didn't come to this world to please everyone, but to be yourself. ”
This is her exhortation to everyone, and it is also her perception along the way.
There was a time when Fang Qi was questioned and criticized by many outsiders.
Regarding her "healing" travel video, someone ridiculed: "Copywriting is always a style, is Jiang Lang exhausted?"
Someone denied her voice: "The voice is always in the same tone, I'm really tired of hearing it." ”
In the face of all kinds of negative voices, Fang Qi was shaken.
She tried to cater to the public's preferences and learn to follow the needs of the market, and although she adapted to the new way, she was not happy at all.
Until one day, I saw a message from a fan: "I miss your words so much." I watch your videos when I'm upset because they have the most beautiful, healing words in the world. ”
Fang Qi suddenly woke up, she returned to what she loved, insisted on her own style, and was no longer swayed by other people's ideas.
With its unique style, it has gained nearly 20 million fans in just a few years.
Life is like this, the more you are in the unexpected world, the easier it is to fall into confusion, and focus on your own heart, but there will be unexpected gains.
Bai Yansong once said: "Sometimes, we live very tired, not because life is too mean, but because we are too easily infected by the atmosphere of the outside world and swayed by the emotions of others." ”
The most tiring and stupid thing in life is to desperately follow others, but lose yourself.
When one is too focused on the unexpected world, it is easy to lose one's way.
True maturity is not trying to cater to everyone, but being able to maintain the stability of the kernel and live your own wonderful life.
Source: Visual China
A good life starts with being kind to yourself
When Li Xiaomeng, the former host of CCTV, first started his business, he was busy and difficult every day.
But she didn't dare to ask for help, and she didn't dare to release her emotions easily.
Because she feels that as a leader, she should be emotionally stable and not show her vulnerability in front of anyone.
The unrelieved stress made her feel very painful, often anxious, insomnia, and self-denial.
Later, under the persuasion of friends, Li Xiaomeng finally understood that everyone is different, and there is no need to forcibly change his personality because of the stereotypes of the outside world.
So, instead of pretending to be strong, she tried to confide in the people around her about her troubles and ask for help.
As a result, she found that not only did everyone not look down on her because of this, but the relationship with her became closer, and some thorny problems were properly solved.
Keigo Higashino said in "Transformation": "Don't embarrass yourself, just live like yourself." ”
In life, you don't have to live like someone else, and you don't have to live according to anyone's expectations, doing yourself well is the greatest fulfillment of life.
Oprah, the author of "What Have You Experienced", was often beaten and scolded by his grandmother when he was a child for breaking cups and soiling clothes.
In order to avoid being punished, she gradually developed a people-pleasing personality.
When she grew up, she always tried her best to meet the various requirements of others, constantly consuming her own energy, resulting in physical and mental exhaustion.
Finally, Oprah realized that if she continued like this, not only would she collapse physically, but she would also collapse mentally.
So, she began to adjust herself, trying to say no to other people's requests, and using Sunday as her personal time to get close to nature.
Gradually, her mind became more and more relaxed, and her life became smoother.
Cai Kangyong once said: "The real high emotional intelligence is not to erase your emotions and cater to others, but to feel comfortable yourself." ”
The most important thing in life is to be kind to yourself, not to satisfy others.
Caring too much about what others think will only mess up your own rhythm. Knowing how to take care of your emotions is the best way to live in life.
Source: Visual China
Someone on Zhihu asked:
Why are we so tired?
One of the high praise answers: We are always desperately seeking recognition from the outside world, and slowly losing ourselves.
Many times, we are accustomed to putting other people's thoughts first, but we ignore our own innermost feelings.
As a result, not only did he not get the approval of others, but he also fell into pain and entanglement.
Psychologist Carl Jung said, "The first half of your life may belong to someone else, live in the approval of others, and give the second half of your life back to yourself, to follow your inner voice." ”
If you have ever wronged yourself in order to please others, then in the second half of your life, please take your attention back, focus on yourself, and live with your heart.
For the rest of my life, may you and I be able to block out other people's thoughts, put our own feelings on top, and live our true selves.
Author: Zi Mo, feeling in life and wandering in the text.